we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
