My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
