This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
