Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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