what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
did you just send me my own nude
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
