May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
