I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
