May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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