Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
