spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Never underestimate the power of titties
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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