ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize