he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
