Only a mothe r could love this liver
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
