I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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