who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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