Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
