Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
