I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
