where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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