guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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