I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
