I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
