Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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