So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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