wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
