I am spending my child support on dildos
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
