Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
