Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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