I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
