Your face is a jimmy john
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
