How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
