i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
