I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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