He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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