Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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