Who wears a wallet chain?!
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
