sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
