I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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