be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
