I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
