Define "chronic" masturbator.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
