I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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