we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
