Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Randomize
