I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he thought i was a dude.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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