I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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