shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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