Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize