Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
