I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
