What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
