At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I came so hard my ears popped.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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