But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize