I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
