im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
