WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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