Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Randomize
