There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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