Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Boobs speak an international language.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
