I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
