I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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