I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
