That's intense
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
