I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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