I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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