I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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