fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
