i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize