sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize