we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
