i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
